Let Her Go
by Crowdreamer
Summary: Post Twenty-Four and I Wanna Dance Without You. Alex comes to Olivia for help with a friend who was raped, and becomes a target herself. As Olivia tries to protect her, the two become closer, and Olivia begins to question her own feelings about Alex. The relationship between them threatens to tear Elliot and Olivia apart, as the case becomes more twisted and dangerous.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Comments: **__This is a continuation of my last two stories—__**Twenty-Four **__and __**I Wanna Dance Without You. **__I'm keeping the story-line going, where Elliot and Olivia are living together after she was attacked by Lewis and didn't want to go back to her own place. So they're in a secret relationship, for those of you who haven't been following along (which is fine, because this story stands on its own)._

_So I've been feeling compelled to do an AO story, and I know there are a few of you out there not too happy with that. But hear me out—I am a true EO'er at heart, so Elliot angst plays a big part in this story as well, as there will be jealousy and gnashing of teeth. I will leave you guessing about the ending though, tee hee. _

___I couldn't resist the AO story—I feel it needs to be addressed at some point. What can I say, I go both ways, lol. I love the shipiness between the two, and I thought it was cute how Olivia started asking Elliot about her "vibe" in P.C., and he even started to wonder by the end of the episode, after her interrogation of the suspect. Good times. So—ready? Let's do this._

**Let Her Go**

Chapter One

"So, this latest victim is only the last in a string of rapes perpetrated against gay women," said Olivia, pointing to a picture of Gracie Ellis on the interactive board. The eyes of her colleagues stared attentively at the four faces of recent rape victims posted on the board. "We have no leads, and no apparent connection between any of them, other than the fact that they're all lesbians."

"Have we looked into hate groups in the city?" said Munch.

"That would be a good place for you to start, Munch. Elliot, you help him," said Captain Cragan.

Elliot said, "Have we looked at the locations to see if there's a pattern?"

"Yes, we have," said Olivia. "One in Central Park, one in Harlem, and two in different locations on the lower East Side. None in the same neighborhood."

"What's the M.O.?" asked Fin.

Nick replied, saying, "All of the victims were attacked in public places, except for the last one. She got hit in her home. They were all taken at gunpoint by an assailant who wore a black mask. He pointed the gun at them, and then held a handkerchief in their faces that caused them to partially lose consciousness."

"Partially?" said Amanda.

"Yeah," said Olivia. "All of them were half-awake when they were assaulted. We're getting ready to talk to Warner about the lab results to see if the chemical used has been isolated."

"The assailant then rapes his victims," said Nick, "although two of them were very fuzzy about the actual assault, and the other two said he inserted items inside them. There's no fluids, and no DNA left behind in or on any of the victims."

"So, no way to identify him because of the mask," said Elliot, folding his arms.

"Yeah," said Olivia, "and he stays silent too, so he couldn't be identified by a voice line-up either."

Cragan put his hands on his hips and said, "Okay, well, any idea where to go from here?" When all he got was blank stares, he said, "Then we need to re-interview the victims. Liv, you and Nick take Ellis and Sparks, and Amanda and Fin can take the other two."

Olivia cast a glance in Elliot's direction, hoping that nobody would notice, and especially Nick. She didn't know if her partner had any idea that she and Elliot had a "thing," but she wanted to keep it hidden from him as long as possible. She longed to work with Elliot again, but she knew it would cause problems, as close as they had become.

Alex, who had walked in on the tail end of Olivia's presentation, approached her at her desk now and said quietly, "Olivia, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Olivia looked around and said, "Sure, go ahead."

"In private?" Alex jerked her head in the direction of one of the interrogation rooms and headed toward it. Olivia raised her eyebrows and followed.

Once they entered the seclusion of the dark mirrored room, Alex shut the door. Olivia put her hands on her back pockets and said, "What's up?"

Alex paused for a moment, as if searching for words. Then she said, "I have a friend, and I think she was assaulted by the same man as the other victims."

Olivia's mouth dropped open, and she said, "Why didn't she report it?"

Alex put her hands out in front of her defensively and said, "I tried to get her to, Liv. She's embarrassed. But she's also scared, for more than reasons than one. She's not out to anyone—not her family, and not at work."

Olivia locked eyes with her and said, "Alex, we're not talking about you, are we?"

"No!" Alex said. "I wasn't raped."

Olivia nodded. Alex was quiet for a second, and then said, "But there are things about me that you don't know. Things nobody knows."

Olivia tilted her head and said, "What?"

Alex sucked in her lips and said, "Liv, my friend that was raped—she and I used to date."

Olivia's eyes widened before she could stop herself. She tried to hide a smile and said, "You . . . okay, you're right. I didn't know that about you." Unable to subdue the smile any longer, she said, "I think I need to sit down."

As Olivia backed up to the table to sit on it, Alex said, "Is it _that_ shocking?"

Grinning from ear to ear now, Olivia said, "No, my feet are killing me. But seriously—are you still—"

"Seeing women?" Alex said. "I haven't seen anyone since Kara, but yeah. I think I'm done with men."

Olivia nodded, still smiling, and said, "We'll discuss this later, but let's go see your friend."


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Comments: **__So much cuteness, teehee…_

**Let Her Go**

Chapter Two

Part 1.

Trying to avoid the obvious but awkward subject of Alex's dating habits while driving to Kara's house, Olivia said, "So what happened to your friend?"

"She told me that someone wearing a mask pushed her from behind into her apartment, and held a gun to her chest," said Alex.

"Sounds like our guy so far," said Olivia. "He took the last victim in her apartment too—I think he's escalating."

Alex continued, saying quietly, "She said the guy put something up to her mouth, and she felt woozy and dropped to her knees. Then he . . . got on top of her and raped her, and inserted other objects inside her too."

Olivia glanced over at Alex and said, "You okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," said Alex. "It's just hard to know that something like that happened to someone you have feelings for."

"Do you?" said Olivia, glancing at Alex again to get a read on her expression.

But Alex kept a poker face, saying, "Do I have feelings for her? As a friend, yeah."

Olivia got quiet, and then decided to drop the subject again, not wanting to pry. Instead, she said, "This guy—if he is escalating, we need to catch him soon. He may start killing his victims."

"I know," said Alex.

At Kara's apartment, Alex knocked on the door, and Olivia stood behind her, letting her take the lead. An attractive brunette about a head shorter than Alex opened the door. Her face gaunt, eyes puffy, she said, "Alex?"

"Hey, Kara," said Alex. "I brought a friend with me. She may be able to help you. This is Olivia Benson—she's a detective with the NYPD."

Before Alex got all the words out, Kara started shaking her head. "I told you I didn't want to report it," she said.

"Kara," Alex said, taking a small step forward and placing a hand on the woman's arm, "at least talk to her. See what she has to say. If you still don't want to it after that, she'll leave you alone."

Kara turned away from them, but did not shut the door. "Come in," she mumbled.

Alex shot Olivia a look, which Olivia took to mean that it was safe to dive in. Olivia stepped in front of Alex and said, "Kara, can I just ask you some questions?"

Kara's mouth turned down, but she brushed a stray lock of hair from her own face and said, "I guess."

Kara sat down on a chair in the living room, and Olivia and Alex sat next to each other on a matching couch. "Kara, can you tell me anything about what your attacker looked like?" Olivia said.

"No, um, he was wearing a mask. He wasn't real tall, maybe a little taller than you."

Olivia kept her voice gentle, knowing that Kara was probably still in shock. "Did he say anything to you?"

"No," said Kara. "Once he put the handkerchief to my face, I was out of it, and he . . . um, he had his way with me."

"Do you know anyone who might want to hurt you?" said Olivia. "Or has anyone you know been acting strange lately? It might be someone you know, even loosely."

Kara shook her head, but her eyes reflected a special gleam. "Actually, there is one person. I just broke up with a guy—his name was Jarod."

"A guy?" said Olivia. "I thought you—"

Kara looked up at her. "Dated women? Actually, I'm bi-sexual. I was seeing mostly women, but I met this guy, and we started going out. He took our break-up kind of hard, and he was jealous of my last girlfriend, because she kept calling." Her eyes turned down at the corners. "He had some anger issues."

"Where can I find him, Kara?"

Kara shook her hands in front of her. "No, don't contact him. Like I said, I don't want this to get out . . ."

Olivia leaned forward, hands clasped together, and said, "Kara, this guy might hurt somebody else, and it seems to be getting worse. He may kill his next victim. I would at least like to question your ex to see if he might be the one who did this."

Kara's eyes met Olivia's for a few moments, and Olivia could tell that the woman was going to do the right thing and give Olivia the information she needed.

Part 2.

Olivia's mind went over the facts of the case wildly, trying to put together clues. Her attention returned to Alex when the silence became too powerful to ignore. Olivia kept her eyes on the road and said, "So . . . I have a question."

Alex glanced at her, and then said, "Shoot."

"What made you . . . I mean, why did you—"

"Why did I switch to women?" Alex said, a smirk flashing onto her lips.

"Yeah," Olivia said softly, embarrassed to be asking the question. But she had never considered what might make someone take such a leap, and Alex was the last person she suspected, having dated men as long as Olivia had known her.

Alex looked contemplative. "I didn't just suddenly dislike men," she said. "I met Kara, and at first we were just friends. But I felt something stronger than a friendship for her, and . . . I don't know how it started, but we looked into each other's eyes one day and . . . it just happened." A smile crept onto Alex's face. "It wasn't her first time with a woman, but it was mine. And it surprised me how alluring her soft skin could be."

Alex got quiet, as if embarrassed. She looked out the passenger side window, and Olivia felt the need to reassure her, so she said, "Alex, I want you to know, that it's all cool with me. No judgment at all."

Alex looked back at her and said, "I know, Liv. You're about the only one I feel comfortable sharing with. Most people say they're okay with it, but . . . you know."

"Yeah," said Olivia. "I think I do." She knew that even though homosexuality was gaining favor in the public's eyes, many people still thought it was strange, at the very least.

Part 3.

Olivia dropped Alex off at her apartment, and came back to her own shared home with Elliot, exhausted from a long day's work. Elliot was already in his underwear, sprawled out on the couch watching TV. "Where have you been?" he said as soon as she shut the door.

"I was following a lead," she said, setting her stuff down on the dining room table.

As she kicked off her shoes, he said, "Nick said you left with Alex."

"Yeah," she said, unbuttoning her blouse so she could change into pajamas. "She had a possible victim who didn't want to talk."

"And?" he said, sitting up now.

"And, I can't really discuss it yet," she said, pulling off her shirt and pants and moving into the bedroom. She shouted into the other room while rummaging through her dresser, "The victim still doesn't want anyone to know."

She pulled on her pajama bottoms and came back into the living room to find Elliot glaring at her. "Is there a problem?" she said, her voice a warning.

"Since when do we keep details of a case from each other?" he said.

"Elliot," she said, dropping her hands from the button on her pajama tops down to her side. "We're not partners anymore."

Silence divided the space between them stronger than any wall. "Oh, I see," he said, his voice edged with sarcasm. "But Alex is?"

She folded her arms and stared at the space above his head for a moment, and then turned sharply toward the bathroom. "I can't tell you everything right now, Elliot," she said. "You're going to have to trust me."

He sighed heavily and got up to lie down in bed. She brushed her teeth, the quiet like a knife in her chest. She lay down next to him when she was done, both of them on their backs, staring at the ceiling. He didn't have to say a word—she could tell he was sulking. Rolling toward him, she kissed him on the cheek anyway, and said, "Good night, Elliot." Then she rolled away from him, using her back as a barrier between them. He didn't move for several minutes, but the rustling of sheets and springing of the mattress told her he had given up and rolled toward the other side of the bed.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author's Comments: **__Oh, yeah. _

**Let Her Go**

Chapter Three

Part 1.

"Trey Jackson?" said Olivia, approaching a man in the tattoo parlor who reminded her of Superman, with his dark hair combed perfectly and a white-button down shirt, one sleeve rolled up to reveal the bulge of finely tuned muscles. She flashed her badge. "NYPD. I need to talk to you for a minute."

"Can this wait?" he said impatiently, "I was about to get started on a new tat."

"Then now is a good time," she said, "since you haven't gotten started yet."

He stood, meeting her eye to eye, revealing that he had brawn, but not the height to match. As they retreated out the door and onto the street he called out, "Hey T.J., I'll be back in a minute."

"What's this about?" he said now, glancing past her.

"Why so nervous?" she said.

"I'm not nervous," he retorted. "Now, you got questions for me or what?"

"Yeah," she said. "Where were you two nights ago?"

He turned his head away and back, and said, "I don't think that's any of your business, but I was playing poker with some friends."

She whipped out her notebook and said, "What are their names?"

He narrowed his eyes and said, "Look, lady—"

"Detective," she said.

"Look, _Detective_, I'm not answering no more questions until you tell me what this is about."

"It's about your girlfriend," she said.

"_Ex _girlfriend," he corrected.

"Right. And you aren't too happy about that, are you?"

He rolled his eyes and clucked his tongue. "Whatever. She was more upset about it than I was."

"So your break-up was no big deal to you?" Olivia said. Without waiting for an answer, she said, "No big deal because you were still going to have her whether she wanted it or not—"

"What the hell are you talking about, lady?"

Olivia's volume rose as she said, "I'm talking about how you broke into her house, held a gun to her, and raped her."

"Get the fuck out of my face, bitch, before I—"

"Before you what? Knock me out, like you did Kara? Not so tough now, when you're up against someone your own size—"

Before she could get any more words out, he thrust his open hand, palm up, and slammed the base of his hand into her temple. She staggered a few paces to the left before everything faded away, blackness taking over.

Part 2.

Olivia woke up on the unforgiving concrete, sounds of taxis honking and tires whizzing on the pavement snapping her back to the real world. When she opened her eyes, a woman wearing a bright purple "I love New York" t-shirt was squatting over her, cell phone to her ear. "Yeah, she's coming around now," said the woman.

"Wow, a real-live fight—we never see that in Des Moines," said a teenage girl staring down at her.

The t-shirt woman glared up at the girl and said, "It's not cool, Nicki—can't you see someone is hurt?"

The girl stopped talking, but the smile stayed plastered on her face. Olivia sat up slowly, her head pounding, and the woman put a hand under her arm to help her up. A nearby siren made Olivia's head hurt worse, and she felt nauseous as she pressed her hand against her temple. An EMT squatted next to her. Before he could ask her any questions, she said, "There was a man, about five foot eight, white shirt, dark hair. Do you see him anywhere?"

The EMT looked around at the crowd that had surrounded her and shook his head. "What happened?" he said.

She took two deep breaths of the heavy city air and said. "I got sucker-punched. I'm SVU. Call my partner—Nick Amaro."

And then she had to close her eyes and lie back before she threw up. She let the EMTs work on her and move her into the ambulance so they could transport her. At the hospital, she had to wait until after a doctor examined her and performed all the necessary tests before she was allowed to have visitors. Nick and Elliot were right there, shifting their feet like impatient schoolchildren, as a nurse wheeled her into the room.

Elliot jumped to her side and helped her get comfortable in the bed, saying, "What happened out there?"

"I questioned a suspect, and he caught me by surprise," she said, fighting back wooziness.

"You okay?" asked Nick.

"Yeah, just a concussion," she said.

"No such thing as _just _a concussion," Nick said. "You better take it easy."

"What suspect?" said Elliot, his eyes angry. "I didn't think we had any."

A nurse wandered into the room to take her vital signs. "Remember, I said there was a victim who didn't want to report?" said Olivia, defensiveness creeping into her voice.

"That doesn't mean you can go around questioning people by yourself," said Elliot, his mouth puckering.

The nurse turned her head at the sound of irritation in his voice, and said, "I think it's about time for visitors to leave and Olivia to get some rest," she said.

Olivia felt heat rising to her cheeks. She ignored the nurse and turned her head toward Nick, saying, "Thanks for the concern, Nick." She paused, and then looked at Elliot. "I don't need your permission to question anyone, Elliot."

"But you have a partner," said Elliot.

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave—" said the nurse.

"I do, and it's not you," said Olivia.

Elliot stood still, fuming, while the nurse tugged on his arm. "Fine," he said, turning away from her. As he marched toward the door, he said, "If you want to play Lone Ranger, go ahead. Just don't come running to me to save your ass."

Olivia lay her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes, fighting back tears. "Hey," said Nick, sitting on the edge of the bed now. He took her hand in his and said, "It's okay, I'm not mad at you, Olivia. Don't worry about Elliot. You know better than anyone else what a hot-head he is."

She gulped and said, "You have no idea, Nick. But thank you for not getting upset."

Part 3.

A couple hours later, Olivia woke up in her hospital bed and silently debated which hurt worse, her head or her back from the god-awful mattress. Alex's popped her head into the room and she said, "Want a visitor?"

"If it's just you, sure," said Olivia, groaning as she turned on her side.

Alex came and sat on the bed next to her, and lifted her hand gently into hers. "I heard Elliot was a dick to you," she said. "I'm sorry."

"Thanks Alex," Olivia said softly. "He's probably just pissed because he's worried."

"Still," Alex said. "Not okay."

Olivia's eyes met hers, and she tried to blink away the tears starting form in the corners of them. Alex broke the weighted silence, saying, "I have news. Kara came forward."

Olivia shifted onto her back, trying to sit up. "She felt bad about what happened to you," said Alex, "and decided to be brave and report her rape."

"That's good news," said Olivia, some of the weight lifting from her chest.

"Yeah, but we don't have a suspect anymore," said Alex. "They picked up Trey, and he's been arrested for assaulting you, but his alibi checks out for the night Kara was raped."

Olivia sighed. "His alibis could be covering for him. Poker night with friends?"

"Yeah, could be," said Alex. "But we need to start looking at other possibilities."

"Okay, yeah," said Olivia, closing her eyes again. Then she noticed Alex's hand squeezing hers, and the long, yielding fingers pressing into her own flesh relaxed her.

"You gonna be okay, Liv?" Alex said.

Olivia opened her eyes, and the concern turning the corner of Alex's eyes down almost made her smile. "Yeah, I'm fine, Alex," she said.

"You and El still . . ."

"Living together?" said Olivia, tightening her lips. "Yeah."

Alex looked down at their hands locked together, and began to rub her thumb against Olivia's skin. "Well, I hope it works out then."

Olivia thought the moment awkward, and told herself to pull her hand away, but she couldn't seem to unglue it from Alex's. Instead, she found herself moving her own thumb within the blanket of Alex's palm, and their fingers brushed each other's skin like paintbrushes moving over a canvas.

Alex brought her gaze to meet Olivia's again, and metal clattered in the hallway as they silently locked eyes. As if in a trance, Olivia stayed that way, allowing the buzz of firing synapses to freeze her attention on that one, lasting touch. She breathed heavily, unsure which was stronger, the pounding in her head, or that of her heart.

Alex broke the spell first, pulling her hand back and saying softly, "I'm going to let you rest now, Liv."

The leggy blonde stood, and bent down to kiss Olivia on the forehead. Then she turned and started toward the door, glancing back one last time with longing eyes before disappearing out of the room. Olivia bit her bottom lip and shut her eyes tight, trying to sort out what had just happened.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Author's Comments: **__Ah, gotta love a good triangle. Spoiler Alert: Loss._

**Let Her Go**

Chapter Three

Part 1.

Olivia hunkered down in her hospital bed all night, stewing over Elliot's harsh words. A nudge on her arm woke her, and a sliver of light from the dawn pouring in through the window burned her eyes. "Elliot," she said, her eyes coming into focus.

"Hey, you ready to go home?" he said.

She rubbed the bridge of her nose and said sleepily, "Yeah."

He handed her a fresh pair of clothes, and she changed into them while he looked the other way, for appearances she supposed. "Hey, about last night," he said, head turned away.

"Yeah?" she said.

"Look, I'm sorry for jumping on you when you were injured," he said. "I shouldn't have done that. I felt real shitty after."

"Well, I'm real sorry you felt bad," she said, her voice oozing sarcasm.

As she slipped on her shoes, he looked at her to see how angry she really was, and said, "Well, you gotta admit, that was a foolish thing to do."

She stood tall now, looking straight into his eyes, and said, "I don't want to hear it, El. You don't get to make those decisions for me, period." She knew the words were spilling out because of her built-up temper, but she couldn't seem to stop them now. "I'm not married to you, and you're not my dad. We've always been equals, but you've always seemed to think I owe you something because we were partners. Well now I don't owe you a damn thing."

Elliot did a double take, and said, "Okay, fine. Have it your way."

She was expecting there to be more—more yelling, more rage. But instead, he walked briskly out the door, and brought back a wheelchair. Without a word, she sat in it, and he took her to the car, driving her home in silence. As she stared out the window at the cars travelling the other way, she knew this was not over. It was not like Elliot to give up—she knew there was more in store in his secret arsenal, and the waiting killed her.

Part 2.

After dropping Olivia off at his apartment, Elliot left for work. She had been ordered by doctors to stay home for a day to recover, although she couldn't sit still. A buzzing at the door interrupted the stillness.

"Who is it?" she said into the intercom.

"It's Alex," came the response, and Olivia could swear her voice contained a tremble.

"I'll buzz you in," said Olivia.

She opened the door for her friend, who brushed past her and crashed on the couch, her eyes wide. "What's the matter, Alex?" said Olivia, sitting down next to her.

"I, uh . . ." Alex brushed a strand of hair away from her own face, her eyebrows bunched together. "I think someone is stalking me," she said.

Olivia put a hand on Alex's back and said, "Why? What happened?"

Alex glanced at Olivia and said, "How are you, by the way?"

"I'm fine, Alex. What's going on?"

Alex's voice dropped, and she said, "Last night, I heard footsteps in my hallway. I kept an eye out, but I didn't see anybody." She looked straight ahead as she recalled details. "Then today, I just knew someone was following me, all the way here."

Alex looked Olivia in the eye now and said, "I'm not making things up, Olivia. Someone's stalking me."

Olivia moved her arm from Alex's back to her arm, and rubbed it to comfort her. "Hey, it's going to be okay, Alex. I'll make sure you're okay."

Alex let a smile pass onto her lips, but she didn't look reassured. "I . . . I still get nervous from my close call a few years back," she said.

Olivia knew Alex was referring to the time Zapata had shot her and almost killed her, resulting in her entry into the witness relocation program. "I know," said Olivia. "It's understandable, after what you went through."

Wishing she could erase the pain in Alex's eyes, wanting to protect her, Olivia's hand slipped away from Alex's arm and onto her hair, and she stroked it back, burying her fingers into it. Realizing too late what she had done, she froze, closing her eyes, and took a deep breath.

She opened them to see Alex gazing intently at her, confusion causing her eyebrows to lower. "I'm sorry," said Olivia, thinking now would be a good time to yank her hand away, but unable to force herself to do it.

"It's okay, Olivia," said Alex, bringing her hand to Olivia's face and stroking her cheek with a thumb.

Heart beating so loud that it drowned out the silence, Olivia allowed her face to be drawn closer to Alex's like a magnet. Nose to nose now, she closed her eyes and waited for Alex to make the next move. Her eagerness was met with the reward of Alex's lips on hers, and she thought her own chest might explode as she savored the thin, smooth lips pressing on her mouth, cherry-tasting lipstick finding its way into creases.

Olivia let those lips ravish her mouth, their tongues brushing against one another's. Alex grasped a clasp of hair in her fist, and Olivia had to pull away just long enough to gasp, and then she joined her mouth against Alex's once again. Somehow, all of Olivia's judgments about what was right or wrong for her own self fell away, and she allowed the smacking of their enmeshed lips to carry her away, thoughts falling away like her prior inhibitions.

Olivia moved her hand onto Alex's back again, and as one, they moved into each other, their chests meeting in the middle. Olivia had never imagined it could be so good—the silkiness, the soft sweetness of hairless skin on her skin. She pressed her lips against Alex's full force now, unable to breathe, and not caring.

The door opened, throwing her out of her bliss and causing both of them to jump. Her eyes flew open to see Elliot standing at the door, eyes and mouth open so wide that she would have thought he was seeing a ghost.

Unprepared to deal with the fall-out of her own actions, she hastily wiped lipstick from her face, keeping her eyes trained on Elliot's, watching as shock wore off only to be replaced by hurt, and then rage. Alex kept her head down and her lips drawn tight. Elliot closed his mouth and nodded his head curtly, saying, "I see."

Just as abruptly, he turned away and slammed the door behind him.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's Comments: **__Poor Elliot. _

_Part of the reason I chose to write this story was because of my own experiences. Seems that when you are bi-sexual, nobody understands you. Men always want you to bring a woman home for "the both of you," and women reject you outright because they think you just haven't made up your mind yet. I can't tell you how awful it is when women won't date me because they have had a hard time accepting that I can like both men AND women. Yes, I am living proof that it is possible to be attracted to both genders. It's more about the person than it is the parts they contain._

**Let Her Go**

Chapter Five

Part 1.

Olivia and Alex sat next to each other, stiff as boards, staring down at their hands. Olivia put a sweaty palm up to her forehead and said, "What just happened, Alex?"

Alex didn't look up, but said, "Um . . ." Shaking her head, she said, "I'm sorry, Liv. I don't know what got into me. I didn't mean to get you in trouble—"

Olivia shook her head now, saying, "No, I was equally responsible. But what does this mean? I never thought I would want to do that with a woman, but now I—what does it mean about me, Alex?"

Alex shrugged and said, "I never thought about it before I tried it, either. I guess if the right person comes along . . ."

Olivia smiled in spite of herself, an urge to grab Alex's hand overtaking her. She followed through on the compulsion, reaching over and taking the hand in her own, tracing the curves of it with her fingers while Alex watched. "I don't know," Olivia whispered, "but I like this."

Then she thought about Elliot, and her heart began to crush under the weight of her own guilt. "I—I have something good with Elliot," she said, still clasping Alex's hand. "I think I may have just thrown it away."

Alex put her other hand on top of Olivia's. "We don't _have _to do this, you know."

"I know," said Olivia, trying hard to breathe. "I just need to figure out what it is I want."

"You do whatever you need to do," said Alex softly. "I never even thought this was a possibility, so . . ."

Olivia bit her top lip and said, "Believe me, Alex, I really want you to stay right now, but I think maybe it would be best for you to leave." She looked into Alex's eyes at last and said, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," said Alex, shaking her head. She stood, and paused for a moment before turning to Olivia and engaging her in a short but gripping hug. Olivia's body responded with goose-bumps, and she clutched Alex a little too long, not wanting to let her go. This exquisite woman's arms were pure comfort, and Olivia needed plenty of it at the moment.

Part 2.

Long after Alex left, Olivia sat in the silence and stared at nothing, unable to match her darting thoughts with her crazy emotions. She almost wished Elliot would come through the door and yell at her, just to give her somewhere to focus besides the endless questions to which she knew there were no solid answers.

Nothing made sense anymore. She had only been attracted to men in the past, so where did this sudden desire for Alex come from? Even now, when she thought of those plush red lips, a yearning flowed through her insides that made her want to explore every inch of Alex's thin frame.

She wanted to touch long, flowing hair, press evenly-matched bodies together, and run fingers over places that no man possessed. But did that mean she was now a lesbian? Would her longing for Elliot just disappear, like words on a dry erase board? And did she really have feelings for Alex, or was this a passing sexual longing? She could see no way to work through this problem, because she had nothing to compare it to.

Unsure whether hours had passed or only minutes, she turned her head slightly toward the door when it opened, knowing who it was. She couldn't bring herself to look at him, instead catching his movements in her peripheral vision as he dropped his keys and mail on the dining room table and went to the liquor cabinet to pour himself a glass of whiskey straight up. She saw his pant-clad legs as he came into the living room and sat down solidly on the overstuffed chair across from her.

Still unable to meet his eyes, she leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees, hands clasped together as if in prayer. He said evenly, "So how long has this been going on, with you and Alex?"

Olivia held her palms up and open and said, "This was the first time, El. I swear. I don't know what happened—"

"I do," he interrupted, irritation edging his voice. "You were mad at me, and this was your little way of getting back—"

"No—" she said.

He pointed his finger and said, "You were angry, Liv. This was the fastest way to piss me off—"

"No," she said, clenching her teeth. "It just happened, and I enjoyed it."

Elliot stopped talking abruptly. "You're telling me you liked it."

She nodded and said, "I wanted it, and I liked it, yes."

Elliot got quiet again, and then said, "Well then, I guess you better start packing your stuff." He started toward the bedroom and said, "Because you can't have it both ways."

He slammed the bedroom door behind him, and Olivia leaned back into the couch, blinking through the tears that began to flow freely.

Part 3.

Olivia slipped into the bedroom and began to pack a bag while Elliot lay on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. Shoving some clothes into a duffle bag, she said, "Elliot, please don't give up on me. I'm trying to sort this all out—just give me some time."

He pursed his lips, arms folded, and said, "That's fine. You just go find yourself, while I sit here waiting. Let me know when you decide if you want me or not."

She stopped packing for a second to absorb the impact of the hate-filled words, and then she stuffed her hairbrush into the bag and said, "I'm sorry, El." She slung her bag over her shoulder, and just before shuffling out the door she said, "I never meant to hurt you."

Wiping away tears so she could see, she made her way to the ground floor and headed toward the nearest hotel. Just as she was trying to decide whether to walk or take a cab, her phone rang, and she glanced down to see that it was Alex. She took a deep breath and answered, saying, "Hey."

"Hey, Liv," said Alex, her voice full of empathy. "How's everything going?"

"Not good," said Olivia, trying to get the words out without falling apart. "I'm going to stay at a hotel for now."

"Oh, no," said Alex, her tone sweet and comforting. "Come stay with me, please, Liv. It's the least I can do after causing this whole thing."

Olivia bit her lip. She planned to protest, saying it wouldn't be a good idea while she was trying to work things out with Elliot, but instead she found herself saying, "Okay. Thanks Alex. I'll be over soon."


	6. Chapter 6

**Let Her Go**

Chapter Six

Buzzed on a sort of biochemical high, Olivia fidgeted as she approached Alex's door. She stopped dead in her tracks when she noticed that the door was open just a crack. "Alex?" she called out tentatively, unsure if her friend had known she was there somehow.

But fine hairs on the back of her neck stood up when nobody answered her, and a couple of thumps resonated out into the hallway. Olivia drew her gun as she slipped to the side of the doorway and peeked in. Seeing someone besides Alex crouched on the ground, she swung her gun up and lunged through the door, saying, "Hold it right there."

Now she was able to get a good look at the scene before her—Alex sprawled on her back on the floor, a masked figure crouched over with a gun pointed straight at Alex. "Don't make a move," said a woman's voice from under the mask.

Olivia did a double-take, but quickly grounded herself and said, "Move away from her."

The female masked perp kept her gun trained on Alex and said, "No, I call the shots here. You put your gun down and go stand against the wall, or I will shoot her." When Olivia hesitated, the woman said, "I _will_ do it."

Alex began to stir, and moaned her confusion. "Okay," Olivia said, pointing her gun up, holding her palms flat to show her compliance. "But you can end this right now. Just turn yourself in before you get into worse trouble."

"Uh-uh," said the woman. "You put it down."

Olivia obeyed, slowly setting her gun on the ground. Then she moved over to a wall away from the door, and stood with her back against it. "You're not going to call anyone for ten minutes," the woman said, grabbing a duffle bag and scooting out the door, her gun trained on Alex and her eyes on Olivia the entire time.

As soon as she disappeared out the door, Olivia rushed to Alex, pulling her cell phone out of her pocket at the same time. "Alex, you okay?" she said, kneeling beside her. Alex didn't respond.

Olivia made the call to 9-1-1, and then returned her attention to Alex, who still had her eyes closed. "Alex," she said, shaking her shoulders. "Come on, wake up for me."

She checked out Alex's body to make sure there was no serious damage, and noticed her panties pulled down, but no obvious signs of trauma anywhere else. Olivia held Alex's chin in one hand, and began to feel around her head with the other hand. Alex moaned again, and her eyes started to open. Not finding any knots or bruises on her head, Olivia said, "Alex?"

"Olivia?" Alex said weakly. "When did you get here? What happened?"

"Shhh—you were attacked, Alex," said Olivia. "Just lie still until the paramedics get here."

Olivia was not surprised when Alex ignored her and tried to sit up. "The guy with the mask—"

Alex said.

"Take it easy," said Olivia. "And it wasn't a guy, it was a woman."

Alex managed to push herself into a sitting position, and rubbed her head, saying, "That makes sense. The voice on the intercom was female, said she was delivering a package. I had my door unlocked, so . . ." Then she noticed her underwear down and hastily reached down to pull them up. "Oh my god. Olivia, was I—"  
"Raped? I don't know, Alex. I didn't see anything." Then Olivia noticed something white lying on the floor, and she leaned over to look closely at the object, which turned out to be a handkerchief. She turned her attention back to Alex, placing her hand on Alex's back and saying, "Just rest for a moment, help will be here in a minute."

Paramedics came in and gave Alex a cursory examination, and then helped her to the couch. One of them said to Olivia, "Looks like she's going to be okay. There's no head trauma, so it must have been whatever was on that handkerchief."

"Yeah, leave it there for CSU," said Olivia.

"I don't need to go to the hospital," said Alex, sitting on the couch with a blanket wrapped around her. "I'm okay."

Olivia sat down on the coffee table facing her, and said, "Yeah, you do, Alex. We need to do a rape kit just to be sure."

Alex tried to keep a brave face on, but her forehead crinkled in the middle, looking like she might cry. Olivia rested a hand on Alex's knee and said, barely above a whisper, "It's okay. I'll go down there with you."

Olivia stayed by Alex's side during the ride in the ambulance, holding her hand the entire time. She stayed with her at the hospital as well, and once they were in an examination room, Olivia said, "Do you want me to do this, or someone else?"

"No, you do it," said Alex quietly.

Olivia worked quickly and skillfully, and when it was over, said, "Do you want to go back to your apartment? Maybe we should stay in a hotel tonight."

"No," said Alex. "I want to go back to my place."

Olivia sat on the bed next to her and said, "What happened, Alex?"

"Like I said, I buzzed someone in the front door to my building," said Alex, her voice beginning to tremble. "And a few minutes later, a masked person came in and held a gun on me."

Alex's eyes stared straight ahead, while Olivia kept her eyes trained on Alex's face. "He—I mean, she held the handkerchief up to my face, and that was the last thing I remembered before you showed up."

"That's our guy," said Olivia, "only it was a woman all along."

Alex's eyes met Olivia's now, and she said, "But I don't understand—how did she fool all those other women into thinking they were raped?"

"She sodomized them," said Olivia. "She used toys. They were out of it, so they didn't notice the difference."

Alex nodded, and then looked away again. Olivia rubbed Alex's arm and said, "I'm sorry I didn't get to you sooner."

Alex turned her head back toward Olivia and said, "It's not your fault, Olivia. Thank you for getting there when you did."

Olivia forced a half-smile, saying, "I'm glad I did. I should have been protecting you this whole time."

"Don't beat yourself up over it, Olivia," said Alex. "I'm just glad you were the one who found me."

Their eyes met, and Olivia leaned in and pulled Alex toward her, wrapping her arms around the thin-boned woman to hug her. She rubbed Alex's back, and stroked her hair, inhaling the perfume smell of it. Then she kissed the top of Alex's head, keeping protective arms wrapped around her. Alex didn't pull away, and Olivia closed her eyes and enjoyed the feel of Alex's chest expanding and contracting against her.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Author's Comments: **__Ah, man. This is the reason it's rated M, folks._

_ Sorry about the mix-up with the last chapter, ignore the one I originally posted. It was from a different story, in case you couldn't tell, lol. Thanks electrikblue, for pointing it out to me._

**Let Her Go**

Chapter Seven

Part 1.

"How's Alex?"

Elliot's voice jolted Olivia out of her stupor. She broke her stare at the uncompleted paperwork on her desk and turned her head toward him, saying, "She's going to be fine. Rape kit came back clean, no signs of trauma. It doesn't look like our rapist got that far."

"I heard it's a woman," said Elliot.

Olivia listened for signs of anger in his voice, and heard none. "Yeah. Although the motive is still unclear. A fanatical Christian targeting gays, maybe?"

"But why wouldn't she go after gay men, then?" said Elliot.

"I don't know," she said. "Nick and I have to go back and interview all the victims again now, see if they know of any women who would want to hurt them."

"Did Alex come up with any ideas?" asked Elliot, leaning against her desk with his arms folded.

"No."

Elliot put a hand on her shoulder and said, "Be careful, Liv."

A flash of anger flared up within her, but then she looked into his eyes and saw that his concern was sincere, and not just a product of his overprotective ego.

"I will," she murmured, nostalgia gripping her chest. Elliot turned to leave, and she sighed, wishing it wasn't so damn hard to choose.

Part 2.

Alex collapsed into her plush leather couch when they got back to her place. Olivia eyed her legs extending down the length of the couch, and thought there might not be anything more exquisite in existence. "Liv, would you do me a favor?" said Alex.

"Anything," Olivia said, catching herself only after her desperation to please had revealed itself.

"There's some wine glasses up in the cabinet there," Alex said, indicating with her finger. "Would you get a couple down, and pour some of that pinot noir from the wine rack on the counter?"

"Sure thing," Olivia said, getting busy already.

She brought the full wine glasses to the coffee table and set them down. Alex pulled off her jacket to reveal shoulders covered only in spaghetti straps, picking one glass up while Olivia picked up the other, and they clinked the glasses together in a silent toast. When the glasses were mostly empty, Alex set hers down and rested her head in her hands, rubbing her temples. Unable to resist the curvy shoulders so close by, Olivia put a hand on one of them and began to dig her fingers and thumb into it.

"Mmmmm," said Alex, prompting Olivia to set down her glass as well so she could massage both of Alex's shoulders.

"You're tight," she said, reluctantly leaving Alex's side for a moment to pour them both another glass of wine. She sat next to Alex and took another couple of sips, and the buoyancy of her buzz made Alex's shoulders irresistible once again. "You want me to loosen them up some more?" she said.

"Please," said Alex, a cute smile forming on her lips as she downed the second glass of wine before Olivia could even get started. Olivia gently swept long blonde locks of hair away from those luscious slopes, and then pressed her fingers into Alex's back. Alex responded by saying breathily, "You have the magic touch, Liv. You can keep that up."

After the third glass of wine and a full back massage on Alex, Olivia's arms and legs began to feel like spaghetti and her head light from the alcohol. She was pretty sure that Alex could do anything to her and get away with it at this point, but she wasn't about to make a move after the traumatic experience Alex had gone through today. She finished up at Alex's shoulders once again, finishing out by brushing Alex's silky hair back onto them.

Alex slumped back against Olivia, and Olivia almost fell backwards as well before she bracing herself. Olivia closed her eyes and breathed in Alex's flowery hair, wrapping her arms around the thin waist in front of her, whispering into Alex's ear, "Tell me if I'm going too far."

Alex's chest rose and fell in unison with Olivia's, and she murmured, "Don't you dare stop, Detective."

The room, along with the stars and the universe, spun around her, centrifugal force bringing Alex closer into her as she kissed the bare ear within reach of her lips. All inhibition demolished by the toxic high of the liquor, she whispered, "I'm so infatuated with you right now."

Alex gasped as Olivia's lips moved lower to capture the lines of the perfect neck encased in them. The full weight of Alex's body fell against Olivia's chest, and now breasts were the most alluring thing in existence, desire pulling Olivia's hands toward Alex's flawless mounds of flesh. Alex didn't move, taking in the blissful touch of Olivia's fingers. Then she used Olivia's leg as a prop, supporting herself while she turned to face Olivia's waiting lips.

There was no turning back now, and there was no hesitation. Olivia wrapped arms and legs around her soon-to-be lover and reclined willingly as Alex pushed her back into a lying position on the couch. As if a gate had been opened, Alex attacked her, with lips on her mouth, and then her neck, and then hands lifting her shirt and bra as Alex's mouth reached its temporary destination of her hardened nipples.

"Oh my god, Alex," Olivia said, thrusting her hips into Alex's body to receive the full voltage of energetic current into her pulsing groin.

Alex slid down even farther, taking Olivia's pants down with her. "I want to teach you something I've learned," she said. "Being a woman has its advantages."

Olivia gripped Alex's head with her hands, and panted as Alex did something amazing with her tongue, first through Olivia's panties, and then after the slender fingers had removed them. "Wow, Alex," she exhaled.

But just when she thought climax was inevitable, Alex sensed her tensing muscles and pulled away. Looking at her through the diamonds in her eyes, she said, "Not just yet, Liv." She breathed, "Wait for it," and then proceeded to remove the remainder of her own disappearing clothing to reveal the most gorgeous body Olivia could ever hope to lay eyes on.

Unable to catch her breath but too far gone to care, Olivia accepted Alex's body on top of her, and a mixed-up sequence of ecstatic sliding of glistening flesh on flesh and exploring of hands on skin ensued. Their figures mashed and melded together, causing Olivia to lose track of where her body ended and Alex's began. She arched her back and exhaled hard several times, preparing for the inevitable peak of carnal gratification, paradise descending on her as she wished she could stay in this heaven forever. Olivia watched Alex's stunning face glowing as she reached the height of pleasure as well.

And then the inevitable crash came, and her body screamed for more. She and Alex panted like dogs, Olivia trying to relive the entire momentous occasion in her brain so that she could recall it at will later. Alex fell in a heap on top of her, letting her fingers trickle down the inner curve of Olivia's elbow.

"Wow," Olivia repeated. "That was incredible."

Alex acquiesced with her lips, parting them to plant tender kisses on Olivia's face. She stopped long enough to stroke Olivia's hair, saying, "I know." Their eyes met, and Alex said, "You are incredible, Olivia Benson."

Olivia smiled, closing her eyes and accepting the full weight of Alex's body blanketing her own as the drunken woman fell asleep on top of her.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Author's Comments: **__Whew. Took me a while to recover from that last hot scene to figure out where this story is going. Now I know, and it's still fun. No happy ending for everyone, no matter which way it turns out, but that's the story of life._

**Let Her Go**

Chapter Eight

Part 1.

"Hey Kara, can you tell me about your girlfriend, the one you dated before Trey?" Olivia said, hands folded in front of her on the table between them. She found her concentration broken repeatedly by thoughts of Alex's gorgeous thighs intertwined with her own.

The lights in the interview room cast a shadow on Kara's face, making it hard to read her reaction, but Olivia thought she saw a mixture of melancholy and fear flash across the woman's expression. "Her name was Kristen Rowe," said Kara. "She practically stalked me after I broke up with her."

"So why did you guys break up?" Olivia said, trying to block out memories of Alex's velvety lips.

Kara looked down at her hands, oblivious to Olivia's distraction by her former girlfriend. "She was possessive and jealous, and never wanted me to do anything without her." Shaking her head, she said quietly, "Seems like I'm drawn to those types."

Olivia paused for a few seconds, wondering why Kara had dated Alex then. Alex—the independent, confident beauty that drew in her admirers with her distance. Was Alex pulled to this meek woman because she wanted to save her from the harsh world, to rescue her in some fashion? Olivia swept the thoughts aside and got back to the subject at hand. "Did she ever threaten you?"

"Not exactly," Kara said, her eyebrows lowering in contemplation. "She did say I was going to regret my decision to date Trey. I just thought she meant—" Her mouth opened as she realized the connection. "You don't think—"

"We're pretty sure your attacker was a woman," said Olivia.

"Oh, my God," said Kara, her mouth still wide. "That would explain why my attacker was silent."

"Do you know where we can find Kristen?"

Part 2.

"Come on, Nick, we need to go pick up a suspect," said Olivia.

"No, you let Elliot and Munch handle it," said Cragan, appearing almost from out of nowhere. "I need to talk to you."

Olivia started to object, but saw the deadly look in Cragan's eyes, and decided to let go of this particular battle. Still, she wondered what was going down, and cast her gaze over the faces in the squad room for clues. Amanda looked down at her desk, trying to hide a smile, but Olivia didn't know if that had anything to do with her or not. Her eyes stopped on Elliot, whose glare in her direction could not hide under his mask of indifference.

She narrowed her eyes at him, knowing this must have something to do with him. She had thought he was getting over this little fling with Alex too easily. Now she would find out how detached he had been able to remain.

Cragan didn't look up from his paperwork for several seconds after Olivia entered his office, and she started to shift from foot to foot. Every second was a lifetime, until he finally looked up to tell her, "Have a seat."

She complied. "What is it with you and ADA's?" he asked.

She gulped. "Sir, I don't know what you're talking about," she said.

"Cut the crap, Detective. You and Alex?" His eyes burned a hole in her. "I don't know what's going on with you two, but it better stop. We don't need any more allegations of impropriety in this office. And by the way, you're off this case. You understand?"

She nodded, her lips folding into a tight line. "Yes, Captain," she said, standing in a controlled fashion so as not to accidentally slam any chairs or doors on the way out.

Marching straight to Elliot's desk where he was sitting absorbed in a case file, she whispered through clenched teeth, "You bastard."

He glanced up at her and said, "Excuse me?"

Olivia could feel all eyes in the room on the two of them, knowing that every move was being examined and analyzed in greater detail than the evidence in any of the cases in this place. "You know what I'm talking about," she said, ignoring the stares of those around her. "How dare you."

He stood now, his face merely inches from hers, one eyebrow lifted. "How dare I?" He had the audacity to shove a finger in her chest as he said, "You better watch yourself, with the games you're playing."

Knocking his hand away as if it contained a knife, she tensed every muscle to prevent herself from using the same hand to knock his teeth out. He stared her down for another couple of seconds before turning away, saying, "I have a perp to catch."

Like a statue, Olivia stood, absorbing the speculation and judgment being silently hurled at her by the rest of her co-workers.

Part 3.

Alex passed by Elliot on her way to Olivia's desk, and raised her eyebrows in shock as he brushed hard against her, almost knocking her off balance. Olivia looked at Alex, but then turned her eyes away, afraid she might burst into tears right there in the middle of the squad room. Unable to contain the outrage in her aching heart any longer, she retreated to the same interrogation room where she had broken down after Elliot left two years ago.

She covered her eyes with her hands, as if they could contain all the tears flowing eagerly now. The door opened behind her, and she didn't have to turn around to know it was Alex. "Hey, what's going on?" Alex said gently.

Wispy fingers landed on her shoulder, and she turned to receive Alex's shoulder as a receptacle for her tears. Alex used her other hand to stroke Olivia's hair, saying, "Hey, it's alright. Talk to me, girl."

Olivia pulled together her broken pieces and backed her head away just far enough to get the words out. Looking down, she sniffled and said, "Elliot reported us to Cragan."

Alex's mouth fell open. She looked away, saying, "That motherfucker. Is this all because of jealousy?"

Olivia shook her head and said, "I guess. Never fails to amaze me what people will do when trying to hold onto someone they love."

"So what are we going to do?" Alex's eyes beseeched Olivia.

Shaking her head again, Olivia said, "I don't know. I need to think."


	9. Chapter 9

_**Author's Comments: **__You know, there's no way to please everyone with this story. In fact, it seems like nobody's happy, but I think that sometimes makes a good story, lol. Stay tuned._

**Let Her Go**

Chapter Nine

Part 1.

Olivia took a rare break from her job to go for a walk in Central Park, so that she could sort through her feelings. She cared about Alex, was wild about the woman in fact. But despite his recent asshole behavior, she still loved Elliot with a love that extended deep down into her soul. She wasn't about to go back to him the way he was acting though—she would not be controlled by any man, not even one she cared about as a best friend for twelve years.

Her ringing phone interrupted her thoughts. "Benson," she said into it.

Elliot's voice came from the other end. For a second, she got her hopes up that he was calling to apologize. "Hey, we went to collar Kristen, and she's not home or at work. Any other ideas where she might be?" he said.

Still seething, she said, "No, you're the one working this one now, remember?"

A pause filled the phone, and then he said, "Well maybe when you're done clam-jousting with your girlfriend, you can get back to work and help out."

She fought the urge to hurl the phone into the adjacent rocks, and said, "Well, why don't you go ask Cragan why I can't do that? Thanks to you."

And then she hung up on him, afraid that the sarcasm in his voice might make her cry. She went under a short tunnel, and when she came out the other side, a woman with cropped hair and cargo pants leapt out at her, pointing a gun at her. Olivia startled, and then slowly put her hands up. "Are you Kristen?" she asked between halting breaths.

"You got it, bitch," said the woman, indicating for her to move toward the trees on the side of the path.

Part 2.

Olivia had no choice but to follow the woman. Not because she was afraid for her own life—she would rather try to wrestle herself away in the middle of Central Park than to get sucked into a more secluded location. But there were too many innocent people around, many with small children. Kristen hid the gun in her jacket but kept it pointed at Olivia until they made it to a hotel room, and that was when Olivia began to gulp for breaths, finally allowing herself to be concerned about her own safety.

"Kristen, you know I'm a cop, right?" she said, hoping to talk the woman down. "If you do this, it will be more than just rape—you'll also have to face charges of assault on a police officer."

"Oh, don't worry," said Kristen, face to face with her now, gun pointed solidly at Olivia's chest. "I don't plan to leave behind any evidence."

Olivia gulped hard. She knew what that meant—no body, which meant she would not be alive when this was all over, if Kristen had her way. "Don't do this. You don't want to kill anyone," she said. "You're just upset about Kara."

Kristen huffed at the sound of her ex-lover's name. "No, it's not just Kara. Kara is just a gullible little girl in a woman's body, easily swayed by the wares of women like you."

"Women like me? Kristen, I don't understand—I never dated Kara."

"No, but you would have," Kristen said, her voice hard. "Bisexuals like you can't make up your mind, so you confuse real lesbians into thinking it's okay to sleep with men. Kara never would have gone with a man if it hadn't been for your partner, Alex. She put those ideas into her head."

Olivia closed her eyes as all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. "So you weren't targeting just lesbians. You were targeting bisexuals," she said.

"Bisexuals are _not _lesbians!" Kristen demanded. "They are weasels—slimy women confused about their sexuality, so they switch back and forth, never committing to anyone. They lead people on, break their hearts."

"So that's why you have to rape them," said Olivia, looking to get a confession. "To pay them back for the pain they cause others."

Kristen shifted her feet, but said, "You got it. Now take off those pants."

Olivia took a silent breath and steeled herself to stall as long as possible. "But why are you doing this to me? I had nothing to do with your girlfriend."

Kristen's eyebrows lowered in anger. "You're one of them! And besides, you were onto me, so I need to take care of that."

Olivia's head twitched. "But I'm not the only one who knows," she said. "There are other detectives out looking for you right now."

Kristen paused, and then said, "You're lying." She raised the gun solidly again so that it pointed straight at Olivia's chest, and said, "Take them off. You need to pay like the rest of them."

Olivia's hands slowly lowered to the button on her pants, and she inhaled deeply, trying to keep thoughts of Lewis raping her from spinning in her head. She couldn't bear the thought of being raped again—she might just rather die this time. She exhaled several minutes worth of air when the phone in the room rang. "That's going to be them," she said. "They know you're in here."

Kristen's eyes widened. "How?" she said. When Olivia didn't answer, Kristen slid over to the curtains and peeked out. "Oh fuck," she said, and Olivia knew she was right—they must have tracked Kristen down somehow.

"Answer the phone," she said to Kristen.

Kristen looked at her with terror in her eyes, and then went to the phone and picked it up. "Yeah," she said.

Listening to the voice on the other end, she said, "Nuh-uh. She's not coming out."

Glancing at Olivia now, she shook her head and said, "No, that's not acceptable either."

She paused for a long time now, and Olivia could hear the trace of a voice coming from the phone. Then Kristen responded, saying, "Okay, but there better not be any tricks."

Kristen stumbled toward the door and opened it just a crack. Then she scurried back to Olivia and stood behind her with the gun pointed straight at her head. Olivia watched the door with wide eyes as it swung open, revealing Elliot in the doorway, hands held high to show that he wasn't carrying a weapon.

He haltingly scuffled inside the hotel room. "Stop," said Kristen, "that's far enough."

Elliot's eyes met Olivia's, all signs of anger replaced by worry. "Just let her go," he said, "and you can have me instead."

"No," said Kristen. "I want her, and I want out of here."

"Look," said Elliot. "You can't have both. If you let her go and take me, you can get out of here. But if you keep her you're not going anywhere."

Olivia tried to relay her uneasiness with this arrangement to Elliot with her eyes. Kristen thought for a moment, and then said, "Okay. Come closer."

He stepped forward a few feet, and Olivia whispered, "No. Don't do it."

But events took place without her approval, and the next thing she knew, Kristen's gun was trained on Elliot and Olivia was being shoved toward the door. She turned around to look at Elliot one last time. "Go," he said evenly.

Wiping away a tear, she reluctantly complied, stepping out of the door and into agony and guilt.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Author's Comments: **__Life's never simple, is it? Seems like too often there are no choices, and then all of a sudden we get too many all at once. __ My philosophical wisdom of the day._

**Let Her Go**

Chapter Ten

Olivia covered her nose and mouth with her hands and paced. They had been in the hotel room for twenty minutes, and no further contact had been made. She approached the hostage negotiator for the fifteenth time and said, "What's going on in there?"

The man was way too calm for Olivia's liking. "Same as before, Detective. We haven't been able to make contact. Only one phone—you know that."

"Maybe I could—"

He took his eyes off the monitor to cast an annoyed glance in her direction and say, "There's nothing you can do. We _have_ to wait."

She agreed that it would be a bad idea to barge in at this point. Too dangerous for Elliot. But she couldn't bear the thought of waiting one more minute. She closed her eyes, trying to concoct a plan, but a gunshot rang out, interrupting her scheming and causing her heart to bypass several beats. "What the—" she said.

"Go go go," said the captain, who was in charge of the overall operation. Armed and vested officers lined up to charge the room.

Everything happened too fast-the next hideous shot, the officers marching like soldiers toward the door, the thoughts of Elliot lying dead on the floor.

Drawn to the scene like a magnet, she lunged forward, needing to see whether the worst had happened. Cragan held her back saying, "No, Liv. Don't."

"What do you mean?" she said, fighting against his restraining arms.

She heard a voice over the radio say, ". . . officer down in the room . . ."

"Let me go!" she said, using every bit of her energy to muscle against Cragan's hold. She couldn't see the room through the sea of taller heads before her.

"Officer . . . deceased . . ."

"No!" she cried. Unable to get past Cragan's steely grip, she turned away, her hand flying up to her mouth. She shook her head. "No no no no . . ."

Like a rogue trout, she made her way against the torrent of uniforms cramming toward the hotel room, tears blinding her to their faces. She reached the end of the group of them and bent over, resting her hands on her knees. "Oh god," she cried out. "Elliot."

A hand touched her back, but she couldn't move to see who it was, unable to catch her breath so she could stand up straight. Amanda's voice said, "Liv."

Olivia shook her head, trying to signal that she couldn't move, couldn't speak because of the tears caught in her throat. She sniffed and wiped her hand across her face in a fruitless attempt to clear them from her face. Squatting now, she shook her head rhythmically from side to side, trying to keep her mind silent. But the thoughts bombarded her—things she could have said differently, things she would have done, actions she could have taken to prevent this . . .

Amanda squatted next to her, unable to think of anything that might comfort her, settling instead on massaging Olivia's back with her hand. Olivia appreciated the effort, but barely felt the hand meant to console her. She sat flat on the ground now and sobbed silently.

Cragan squatted on the other side of her, saying, "Liv." When she refused to look at him, he said, "Elliot's alive."

Her gaze snapped toward him, and when she saw sincerity in his eyes, she stood and turned to look at the throng of police officers. From the crowd emerged a miracle—Elliot, not only alive, but walking toward her, eyes shocked but mouth soft and welcoming.

"Elliot," she whispered, and took a few tentative steps toward him, still afraid he might be a ghost. But it was him, in the flesh, and when she fully accepted it as fact, she ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck, almost knocking him off his feet in the process. "Elliot," she cried into his ear, and he rewarded her tormented and desperate reflexes by knotting his arms around her and squeezing tight.

"Don't ever do that to me again," she said.

"I'm sorry," he murmured into her ear. "She told the officers on the phone that she had shot me. She wanted them to come in shooting because she couldn't face time in prison."

She accepted his warmth as it invisibly surrounded her, filling in the creases of emptiness left behind by his absence. His fingers kneaded the back of her neck, and all the rage and angst from before fell away, revealing once again the reasons she had fallen for him to begin with. The fact that his heart still beat through his chest, which rose and fell with her own, soothed away her former ire. Why had she been mad at him? The time to remember was later—now was for appreciating the life she had thought was lost.

She kept one hand on the back of his neck and pulled her head back so that their foreheads rested against one another. She almost kissed him, and then it occurred to her that there were dozens of other policemen still surrounding them, busy with their various duties but still noticing Olivia's reactions toward her former partner. She sighed and reluctantly let go of him so that the EMT's could check him out. Their eyes met one last time before he was whisked away by the bustle of post-incident activities. They spoke volumes to one another through that non-verbal exchange, most of it regret, along with longing to make things right again.

The trip back to the precinct, riding alongside Nick again, was a tortured jumble of emotional see-sawing and bits and snippets of mental conversation, ranging from relief to stunned heaviness to giddiness to confusion. And then she was back at her desk, unable to remember one thing about how she got from there to here. The stimuli from the precinct nearly drowned her, and she fought hard to keep her breath steady. And then there was Alex.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Author's Comments: **__I guess I've started a war—AO vs. EO. So comment, and tell which one you are voting for, and why. _

_ The song for this story is "Let Her Go," by Passenger. Very sweet song. I wish someone would make a vid to it (hint hint for all of you vidders out there—doesn't have to match my story, lol)._

**Let Her Go**

Chapter Eleven

Part 1.

Alex—gorgeous, leggy Alex—came straight to Olivia and consoled her with a hug. "I heard what happened," she said. "Sounds like you had quite a scare."

Olivia absorbed her embrace like a sponge, opening her eyes to see Nick glancing at her, shaking his head. She knew why he looked irritated. He always complained that she didn't tell him anything, and she was sure he would have figured out by now that some secretive things were going down in this office.

She pulled away, looking deep into those sparkling eyes she loved so much. "Thanks, Alex," she said.

Elliot made his arrival then, having been checked out and debriefed and given the okay to come back to work. He caught her eye, and she read his face, knowing he wanted to talk to her alone. She slipped out of the room and into the loft, waiting by her locker for him.

He did not disappoint, casting a shadow in the doorway and one last glance behind him to make sure nobody was going to walk in on their conversation. "Hey, I . . ." he began, coming face to face with her, his mouth twitching for the right words to say. He glanced away, and she could swear there was a tear hiding out in the corner of his eye. "I came a little too close to death today."

She captured his gaze with her eyes, and he said, "It really made me think about . . . things." He shook his head, saying, "I'm sorry I've been such an ass lately. And I just want you to know—whatever you decide, I won't be angry about it. Hurt, maybe. But I'll get over it. I just want you to be happy, and if that means you fall in love with someone else, I'm not going to hold a grudge."

As the words sunk in, he lifted his hand to her hair and brushed a strand of it away from her tear-brimmed eyes. With a half-smile, he turned and walked away. Olivia looked down at her trembling hands, cursing the cruelty of a universe that would present her with such a dilemma.

Part 2.

Alex was nowhere in sight when Olivia retreated from the loft, but she knew where to find her. Before entering Alex's office, Olivia paused, her hand on the doorknob, not even knowing what to say. She entered, and Alex looked up from her desk, their eyes locking.

"Olivia?" Alex said, standing to close the door as Olivia paced with one hand on her forehead and the other on her hip. Alex watched, confusion clouding her face.

"What's wrong?" said Alex. "We got our rapist, and Elliot is okay—"

Olivia stopped abruptly and cast her gaze onto Alex's ravishing face. "Kiss me," Olivia said, her voice breathy. "Just kiss me."

Alex looked toward the door and said, "But—"

Olivia was having none of it, and pulled Alex to her by her arm, using her other arm to guide Alex's head to hers, pressing her lips into Alex's sweet mouth. There was resistance at first as Alex worked out what the hell was going on, and then she kissed back, mouth open wide, tongue meshing with Olivia's.

Alex pulled away for a breath, but only for a second, returning for a second kiss as she pressed her body into Olivia's. Olivia received it, pulling Alex tightly against her. Keeping her lips locked onto Alex's, she guided Alex to the leather couch nearby and then pushed the startled blonde into it. Climbing on top of her, her legs straddling Alex's body, she leaned in to savor those luscious lips one more time.

As Alex's chest heaved underneath her, their breasts brushed against one another, causing Olivia's nipples to harden. She responded by moaning, and Alex pulled away to whisper in her ear, "We can't do this here. If I get caught . . ."

Olivia put a finger to her lips. "Shhh," she said. "Nobody's going to know."

"But what if someone comes to the door?" Alex protested.

Olivia cast a glance back at the door and said, "It's locked, right?"

Alex still looked uncertain, but Olivia tried to assuage her doubt by ripping off her own clothes, down to the underwear. Alex sat silently, mouth wide in shock, as Olivia unbuttoned Alex's blouse, burying her face in the perky breasts that lay exposed before her. Pulling Alex's bra off and clutching firmly at her breasts, Olivia began to move up and down in a rhythmic motion, grinding her turned up self into Alex's body.

Alex finally gave in and joined the game, unbuttoning her own pants and then removing them, along with her panties, so that she could enjoy the writhing action as well. Olivia leaned into her, their breasts pushing together, nipples standing on end in response. Her breathing deepened, and nerve endings opened to the pleasure as she pressed her crotch into Alex's.

Breaking away long enough to remove the last thin barrier between them—her own underwear, Olivia climbed on top again, and resumed her grinding motion, their soft spots sliding together, slickened with excitement. As sweaty bodies squirmed together in excitement, Olivia's belly began to churn, an expanding pressure spreading out into her legs and travelling up her spine until she could hardly contain the impending explosion.

"I think I'm going to . . ." she said, and took three deep breaths as she hit the point of nirvana and her entire body quivered. Alex came at the same time, her limbs spasming in tight little contractions. Olivia watched her face, full of ecstasy, and for one moment, just this moment, she forgot all about everything else going on in her life. Right now was for the two of them alone, and whatever had happened or was going to happen could not penetrate the bond they shared as they joined together in reaching paradise.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Author's Comments: **__Ah, here we go. I'll explain myself after._

**Let Her Go**

Chapter Twelve

Part 1.

Sweaty and out of breath, Olivia rested her head on Alex's chest, cherishing the feel of smooth, naked skin beneath her. Alex began to brush her hand against Olivia's back, moving it into her hair and running her thin fingers through wisps of it. A thump in the hallway startled both of them, and they jumped up almost simultaneously, frantically pulling on articles of clothing. The awaited knock on the door never came, and they looked at each other with wide eyes, bursting into laughter at the same time.

But the joviality was short-lived as Olivia remembered what had brought her here. Alex must have seen something in her dark eyes while peering into them, because the corners of her mouth turned down and wrinkles formed on her forehead. "What is it, Liv?"

Olivia sighed and drew her lips together tight. Alex must have noticed the sags forming under her eyes, because her eyebrows shot up in recognition. "Oh," said Alex. "Oh, I get what's going on here."

Alex shook her head and sucked in her lips, her eyebrows lowering in anger. "You're going back, aren't you?" she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Storms flashed in her eyes, and her next words landed sharply in curt, short slashes. "I guess I should have known this would happen."

Olivia opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. There were no words to express the sorrow and guilt that cut into her chest. Alex didn't wait for her to figure out a way to express her grief, saying, "Just go then." When Olivia didn't move, not wanting to take her eyes off Alex for fear it would be the last time they would gaze upon one another, Alex said forcefully, "Go. Get out, Liv!"

Olivia's mouth puckered as she turned and marched out, just as Alex had ordered. Her lower lip trembled, and she waited until she had exited the building before she allowed her tears to fall and blend in with the pouring rain.

Part 2.

Like a wet dog, she retreated with her head down, taking her time while allowing fat drops of rain to drench her. She wandered down a few wrong streets, too lost in distracted thoughts to notice missed turns. Reaching her destination long after dark, she inhaled deeply before pressing the button. "Yeah?" said the voice over the intercom.

"It's me," she said, having a hard time speaking over the rain.

"What? I can't hear—who is this?"

"It's Olivia," she shouted this time. Echoes of her voice retreated into the pounding storm.

She closed her eyelids, as heavy as they were, soaked through. She waited, shivering all over, not caring if she froze to death at this moment.

The door clicked open, and she unclenched her eyelids, trying to see through dripping lashes. "Come in here," he said, pulling her in by her arm. "What are you doing out there in the—"

He hesitated, apparently noticing her trembling body and downcast eyes. "What's going on?" he asked.

She brought her eyes up to meet his, and started by saying, "I . . ." But the tremor in the words got choked in her throat and she could say no more through the tears.

He pulled her into him, and her arms instinctively wrapped around him, allowing herself to sob into his chest. He flinched for a second, saying, "Oh, man, you're soaked." But then he ignored the fact that she was drenching him, and pulled her in tighter, patiently cradling her head against his chest as she let go of the tears.

His chest rose and fell in a heavy sigh against her cheek, and he said, "Let's go upstairs." She expected him to hold this over her, to give her shit and make her eat dirt before letting her back in. But instead, he kept a gentle hand on her shoulder the entire way up in the elevator, and it remained there all the way into his apartment.

She kept her eyes cast down as he said, "We probably should get you out of those wet clothes." She nodded and began to unbutton her shirt while he loped off, returning with a towel, one of his own t-shirts, and a blanket. He eyed her nearly-naked body for a second, but then turned his eyes back up to her face out of respect.

She grabbed the towel out of his hands and blotted the moisture from her skin, and then turned her head to the side to dry her hair. She felt his eyes drilling her curiously until she snatched the t-shirt out of his hand and wriggled into it. He advanced toward her to wrap the blanket around her, and escorted her to the couch.

Sitting in the chair facing her, he sat several minutes in silence, and then said, "It's over with you and Alex, isn't it?"

She nodded, and croaked, "I don't expect you to just take me back." Finally she got the courage to look him in the eyes, saying, "But I want you to know, I did this because I made my decision. I really care about Alex, but . . ."

His lips drew together tight, and she knew he wasn't going to forgive her easily. Not wanting to pathetically beg for his love, she said, "If you're not willing to try again, I'll just have to live with that. But I know that if there's any chance for us, I have to give up Alex, and that's something I want to do if it means you and I might get back together." She said softly, "Because what you and I have is special, and I don't want to throw away the best thing that's ever happened to me."

He studied her face, creases forming in his forehead, and said, "Are you sure this is what you want? You're not just doing it because you feel guilty, or because you think you owe me something?"

She shook her head emphatically, saying gently, "No, El. I love you. I know it in my heart. I do have feelings for Alex, but what you and I have goes deeper than just feelings." She paused, and then said, breaking into tears halfway through the sentence, "It wasn't easy giving her up, believe me."

Anger briefly flashed over his face, but then his eyes softened, and he came around the table to put his arm around her, allowing her to bury her face into his shoulder once more. He stroked her hair, and she fell asleep leaning against his chest, leaving the darkness of her tormented emotions behind her as dreams took over her weary mind.

_Ending comments: The AOer's have a good point—Elliot is a real asshat sometimes. And I really think Olivia would benefit from a healthy relationship, which she would probably have with Alex (although she and Alex have their tensions at times too). Not to mention they make a really cute couple. _

_ So why am I ending it this way? Two reasons—Elliot may be a prick, but there's no doubt in my mind that Olivia loves him, and I have to go with the more realistic outcome. I like to be true to SVu, and in this case, it means ignoring what I think is the healthiest choice for Olivia to write it in the way I think it will end._

_ Secondly, I need it to end this way to make my next story Really Freakin' Awesome. I need Elliot's turbulence and dangerous moodiness to make the next one work, because it centers on him breaking Olivia down so that she can reach a low point, to get her where I want her. Because I am cruel and I need to torture her some more—mwah ha ha!_

_ So, EO'ers, stay tuned for the next episode of Season 15—it's called __**"Too Close".**_

_ And I just love E and O together. They do have some sweet moments. I don't know, by there is an undeniable chemistry. So, sorry all you AO'ers. But, have hope, because I may bring Alex back into the picture in the future for the fun of it. I loved seeing them together in this one. _


End file.
